The Moment Time Was Born: How Trauma Shapes the Self

There’s a quiet power in the moments that freeze us.

A boy climbs a tree and discovers a nest with two perfect blue eggs. He feels nothing but awe—pure connection, being with the experience. But then, his father walks out the door, dressed for church, sees the eggs in the boy’s hand and snaps: “Put them back. The birds won’t come back now.” The boy obeys—but in the process, crushes the eggs. His father’s angry face imprints on him like a flashbulb. The wonder dissolves. Shame takes its place.

That’s when time begins.

Not clock time, but psychological time. Memory. Anticipation. Identity.

In that split second, a part of him freezes—emotionally, neurologically, spiritually. The experience is no longer flowing. He’s no longer with it. He’s in it. And that moment—now coded in his neural circuitry—will subtly shape the lens through which he sees the world, others, and himself.

With vs. In: The Split in Experience

We live most of our lives oscillating between two modes:

  • Being with: Flow, presence, no sense of separation. This is childhood delight, running barefoot, picking strawberries, flying through life like a bird. 
  • Being in: The moment something interrupts the flow—fear, shame, pain—we fall into the experience. A snapshot is taken. Time begins. Identity forms. 

This shift from with to in is how trauma embeds itself—not just through major events, but through everyday experiences that become “small t” traumas. The moment you hit your head on a metal post you meant to trim. The moment someone laughs at your joy. The moment something says: You’re not okay.

EMDR: A Path Back to Presence

In EMDR therapy, we look for these frozen moments—memories that become the lenses or filters through which we view our world.˛. They live not in the thinking brain (cortex), but in the limbic system, where our emotions and body responses are linked and encoded.

You can talk about a memory for years and still feel stuck. That’s because your thoughts can’t reach the lower brain. There are no pathways going “down.” But EMDR does what conversation alone can’t: it reactivates the memory, accesses the sensory and emotional imprints, and allows them to be processed and released.

We don’t just talk about the memory. We relive it safely—and transform it.

Trauma as a Creator of Time and Self

In trauma, three things freeze:

  • The image (e.g., dad’s angry face) 
  • The emotion (e.g., shame, fear) 
  • The body sensation (e.g., an inward contraction, a knot in the stomach) 

Together, they create a deficient sense of “self” that lives in reaction: I am bad. I am unsafe. I am not enough.

EMDR helps us return to the present. Not by erasing the past, but by unhooking our identity from it so we live in response:  I’m okay, I’m safe, free as a bird. 

Closing Thoughts

Many people seek therapy because “something’s not working.” Often, they don’t know why. They’re not aware of the deeper patterns. But the body knows. The nervous system remembers.

As therapists, our task is to listen not only to stories—but to the frozen moments. And help our clients move from being in their pain to being with their return to wholeness.

 

By JV Shafer

Jordan Shafer

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Dr. Amanda Martin, LMFT-S, LPC, BCN

Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.

Dr. Amber Quaranta-Leech, LPC-S

Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy. 

Dr. Jose Carbajal, LCSW

Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.

Dr. Amber Quaranta-Leech, LPC-S

Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy. 

Dr. Jose Carbajal, LCSW

Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.

Dr. Amanda Martin, LMFT-S, LPC, BCN

Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.