“Death of a Friend” ~ Rupert Spira

Rupert: The child or friend may be lost but love is never lost.

Think of your relationship with a child or loved one. The objective elements of the friendship are changing continuously, that is, they are always being lost. But what is it that remains throughout? It is love or friendship.

When our companion or child leaves for a trip or even when they simply go into the next room, we have no objective connection with them. But do we feel that something is broken or lost? No, the true content of the friendship remains. Love remains. In fact all relationship is defined by this quality alone.

Two objects can never meet. Two ‘people’ can never meet. What we call a meeting or a relationship is only the shining of this shared love.

In fact it is my experience that when a loved one departs, love shines even more brightly than usual. All that remains is the pure love in which and as which we truly meet.

The same is true of the great parting called death. The apparent other is no longer apparently outside. They now reside in our heart as pure love, which is in fact where they always resided. Why would one feel sorrow or regret in such a case? The particular means of celebrating that love, which we had become accustomed to over the years, may no longer be available, but the love itself will be present and available, as always.

In fact, death is simply the dissolution of an object, a person, in its source and substance, which is love. So death is not the problem. It is identifying ourselves as an object, as a fragment, and thereby identifying an other as an object or fragment, which seems to obscure this ever-present, all pervading love.

Our friend is the face of this Love. Their parting is the gift of love to itself, as was their presence.

In fact death and love are one and the same but from two different points of view. Death is for the person what Love is for the Self. Therefore, we never lose a friend.

If we do not mistake our loved ones for entities in this life, we will not mistake death for separation. And how is it possible not to mistake our loved ones for entities? By not mistaking our self for an entity.

I do not mean to suggest that when a loved one dies, we walk around with a smile on our face all the time. No, there is a melting of the heart at such a time, a tenderness, an openness, loving memories and possibly an acknowledgement that some issues were left unresolved…these are the residues of love, not the suffering of a person.

0

Dr. Amber Quaranta-Leech, LPC-S

Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy. 

Dr. Jose Carbajal, LCSW

Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.

Dr. Amanda Martin, LMFT-S, LPC, BCN

Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.

Send this to a friend