People come to therapy wanting to know whatโs happening. But the real shift begins when theyโre willing to go from answers to wondering.
In both life and therapy, we often search for clarity: a diagnosis, a label, a fixed solution. But healing doesn’t unfold through certaintyโit deepens through curiosity.
Clients often ask: Whatโs happening to me? Why do I feel this way? What should I do? These are valid questions, but they carry an implicit expectation: that someone else has the answer. That the therapist, the model, or the method will provide the certainty that the inner world lacks.
But therapy grounded in Presenceโespecially when informed by EMDR and nondual wisdomโasks something different: Can you stay with the not-knowing? Can you wonder instead of rush to know?
As I like to put it, itโs not about knowing whatโs happening. Itโs about wondering what you need to wonder about. That shift from answers to wondering is subtle, but radical. It invites the client to become the curious observer of their experience instead of a fixer of it.
This wondering is not passive. Itโs active, alive. It says: I wonder what I might notice if I try this. I wonder how my body responds when I bring that memory up. I wonder if this emotion is holding a deeper message.
In this space, the therapist doesnโt impose an interpretation. They become a mirror, a co-wonderer, asking questions that donโt demand answers, but open doors. Itโs in this space of inquiry that EMDR works bestโactivating neural networks not to solve a problem, but to allow whatโs frozen to come back online and move again.
And in that movement, something changes. Not always visibly. Not always immediately. But the nervous system starts to trust that it doesnโt have to know to be okay. It can just be.
This is phase 4 of EMDR.ย Asking, โWhat do you notice?โ and giving the non-judgmental permission to โGo with thatโฆโย ย
~ Jordan Shafer/nmm
More from Founderโs Corner
If this reflection resonated with you, you might also enjoy reading When Time Collapses and The Moment Time Was Born: How Trauma Shapes the Self, two other pieces that explore how trauma, time, and presence intersect in the healing process.
Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.
Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelorโs and masterโs degrees in social work and a masterโs in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.
Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy.ย
Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy.ย
Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelorโs and masterโs degrees in social work and a masterโs in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.
Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.
