You’ve probably heard the old phrase, “life is but a dream.” When we were kids, we used to say life is butter dream. And maybe we weren’t wrong: life is soft, slippery, rich—something you can taste but never quite hold. Something that slips through your fingers just as you try to name it.
From a nondual perspective, life unfolds within awareness—like a dream arises in sleep. Vivid, convincing, emotional… until you wake up and realize it wasn’t as solid as it seemed.
And the idea of life-as-a-dream can be hard to wrap your head around—maybe even harder to believe. But trying it on, even briefly, can shift everything.
There’s a lightness that comes. Less gripping, less stress. Decisions lose their pressure. Outcomes lose their weight. Suffering eases—not because life stops being hard, but because we stop mistaking it for something absolute.
I’ve seen this happen with clients in EMDR. When a memory is activated and processed in stage four, they stop being in the memory and start witnessing it, as if in a dream. They become The Watcher. They’re not down in the swing of the pendulum anymore—they’re watching it move from above. Present. Still. Unmoved.
That shift—out of identification and into awareness—softens everything.
Life still moves. Emotions still happen. But you don’t have to be dragged around by them. It’s like seeing a rope in the dark and mistaking it for a snake—your heart races, your body tenses, the fear feels real. But when the light comes on, you see it was never a snake at all. The moment of recognition changes everything. Just like realizing you’re watching a movie—not living it. At first, you’re immersed. The characters feel real. But then you remember: you’re sitting in a chair, watching light on a screen. And the tension eases.
It’s not about denying suffering—it’s about seeing through it. Often, what hurts isn’t the experience itself, but the belief that it’s all there is. That it’s the whole truth. That it has the final say in who we are.
But when we see it’s all unfolding inside awareness, something lets go. We become less reactive, more responsive. Less gripped, more open.
We go from being narrators of our life to witnesses of it. And in that witnessing, something breathes. Something relaxes, integrates and lets go.
And what remains—what has always been—is animating awareness.
As Frances Lucille said: “The best way to live this dream is to live it ‘as if’ it is real, knowing it isn’t. As if it is real, meaning we enjoy it. Every time we suffer, it is because we ‘believe’ it to be real.”
Living as if it’s real, while knowing it’s not—that life’s butter dream. And that’s freedom.
What resonated with you in this reflection? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
~ Jordan Shafer/nmm
Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.
Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.
Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy.
Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy.
Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.
Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.
