Notes on talk by Robert Weiss

The following are notes on a talk by Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT, Founding Director of The Sexual Recovery Institute, Los Angeles, on Sex Addiction. – Dec 10, 2010, Dallas.

These notes are have been very helpful to me in talking with people about ‘process’ addictions. 

Process addictions – gambling, internet gaming, workaholism, binge eating, sex, exercise, religion, spending, high risk behaviors. 

Addiction indicates ‘drivenness’ behind the behavior. 

Repetitive patterns of behavior that is destroying their live, eg. porn online, exchange of sex for drugs.

There are ‘patterns’, ‘rituals’, ‘triggers’.

The addiction is about the ‘anticipation’.  Leave yourself in high arousal, high intensity experiences.  Being caught in a bind that is emotionally arousing [jvs:  anxiety and sexual arousal get paired at an early age].  You get lost in anticipation and fantasy. 

The idea of or possibility of getting sdomething emotinally better.  “Rush of intensity in a panic state.”

There is an “Inability to tolerate loneliness” – sexual shame.  [jvs:  Shame, sexual or otherwise that drives behavior and the feeling of shame gets repeated.]

Sex or love addiction: “Goal is to get the other to desire or want me.”

There is a Narcissistic Wound
       Attachment disorder
       ‘Born needful’
       Covertly incested by caretaking parent
       Emotional needfulness – needing validation

Traits: 
       Lack of empathy
       using other people

“The ’empty’ self trying to fill that (emptiness) rather than “I am that (emptiness) because I exist.”  R. Weiss

The refinement of intense pleasure.

Sex addiction is objectified non-relational sex

“Women see themselves in pursuit of a connection (relationship) but it may be sexual acting out.”

The trauma of the spouse when she (or he) finds out the other is a sexually addicted person.

     Women tend to be more relational when it comes to sexual behavior.

     Codependent – This label is unfair when laid on the spouse who have found out their partner has been acting out sexually – they have been severely traumatized b/c of their partner’s behavior, of course, they would be angry.

      Most partners do not leave the relationship. 

       Education (for the partner) is important
             “It is not your fault.”
             “You’re not alone.”
             “You can be as angry as you need to be for as long as you ned to be.”

Joy through exploration of the self.

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Dr. Amber Quaranta-Leech, LPC-S

Amber holds a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in both Texas and Oklahoma and holds Supervisor credential for Texas. Amber is an EMDRIA consultant and trainer. She has over a decade of experience in the trauma field in work with uniformed services, domestic violence, childhood trauma and abuse, and recent mass trauma events. Amber provides consultation for EMDRIA certification, for consultants-in-training, and supervision for LPC-Associates. Amber continues to research the benefits of EMDR therapy with a variety of populations. Her goal is to help build strong clinicians who are well versed in trauma interventions to better support their clients. Amber sees a limited number of clients with a focus on trauma work, she is also a Certified Career Counselor and Certified through EAGALA to provide equine-assisted therapy. 

Dr. Jose Carbajal, LCSW

Dr. Jose Carbajal, a U.S. Army veteran, earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work and a master’s in theological studies from Baylor University, and a Ph.D. in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. With over 15 years of clinical experience and extensive teaching experience, Jose specializes in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, domestic violence, and substance abuse. His research focuses on trauma interventions, neuroscience, and faith. He is EMDR Certified, an Approved Consultant, and an EMDRIA Approved Trainer, with numerous publications and professional presentations to his name.

Dr. Amanda Martin, LMFT-S, LPC, BCN

Amanda Martin holds a PhD in Family Therapy and is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant. With over 14 years of experience, she specializes in trauma therapy for individuals and families in residential and outpatient settings. Amanda also provides supervision for EMDR certification, EMDR consultants-in-training, and LMFT-Associates. Her mission is to help people find a healthy, joyful, and fulfilling path in life. Her warm, supportive, and interactive counseling style incorporates Symbolic Experiential Therapy, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, HeartMath, Animal-Assisted Therapy, Neurofeedback, and Collaborative Problem Solving.

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